She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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