Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
