if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"