Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?