SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
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he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
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Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me