we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.