im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.