tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.