Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.