The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
