as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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