Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
