I'm really into asian looking animals
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
