if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
