Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
