dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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