Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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