Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
