Are we in a gay sports bar?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
