just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
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