It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
