Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?