the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.