we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
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I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.