today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?