6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better