if only i could text you this smell
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
