well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
