The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
