i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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