i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
