Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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