Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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