you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
