the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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