ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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