Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
