We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
