Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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