we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just invented taco cereal.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
