Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
