whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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