it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
