I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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