so explain again why im purple
no
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
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In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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