how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
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Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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