I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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