just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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