stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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