i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
