My liver just broke up with me...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.