I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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