Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n