Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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