You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
