Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way

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  (949): i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way http://tfl.nu/yxz9
  Replies (20) Good night (942) Bad night (2675)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.

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  (970): she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society. http://tfl.nu/p2lg
  Replies (74) Good night (797) Bad night (2711)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.

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  (540): I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans. http://tfl.nu/xkea
  Replies (73) Good night (2282) Bad night (5360)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.

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  (712): He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him. http://tfl.nu/xqld
  Replies (30) Good night (5735) Bad night (1958)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him

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  (703): Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him http://tfl.nu/ek6e
  Replies (9) Good night (5585) Bad night (1146)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus

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  (720): were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus http://tfl.nu/j1dg
  Replies (6) Good night (2257) Bad night (1242)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar

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  (406): Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar http://tfl.nu/9n3o
  Replies (6) Good night (1349) Bad night (587)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.

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  (757): you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof. http://tfl.nu/pdha
  Replies (11) Good night (2630) Bad night (683)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  I fcuked ip.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?

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  (325): I fcuked ip. (214): Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge? http://tfl.nu/167p
  Replies (2) Good night (1482) Bad night (594)
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  (916): View more from California

  The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.

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  (916): The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu. http://tfl.nu/i9o3
  Replies (3) Good night (1619) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.

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  (269): We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka. http://tfl.nu/2nmd
  Replies (7) Good night (1286) Bad night (555)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?

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  (585): Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable? http://tfl.nu/iygw
  Replies (3) Good night (779) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...

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  (989): I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase... http://tfl.nu/38c4
  Replies (2) Good night (418) Bad night (350)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?

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  (605): Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night? http://tfl.nu/gtih
  Replies (6) Good night (427) Bad night (918)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.

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  (412): i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass. http://tfl.nu/godv
  Replies (7) Good night (896) Bad night (272)

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