Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.