please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.