you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
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I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
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Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.