Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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