She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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