Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You're like the curious george of whores
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
