yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
