census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize