He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
