Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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