This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
operation harelip BJ is a go
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
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Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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