I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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