Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
