Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the day after is always just damage control
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
