just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
