last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
