oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
