Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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