Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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