I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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