Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
