Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
