put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize