You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she told me i tasted like america
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
