giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
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I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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