Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
