she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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