I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
