She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How does it feel to date your dad?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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