Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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