you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I AM VODKA MAN
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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