butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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