just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
