Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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