when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
