i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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