my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it was like eating out sand paper
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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