but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize