in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
