Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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