i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize