My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
