I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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